Ah, the holidays. A time for family, friends, and feasting. But for those of us navigating a dairy-free life—especially in Wisconsin, the land where cheese is practically a love language—the season of indulgence can also be a minefield of hidden ingredients and awkward conversations. Here’s how to get through it with your dignity (and the host’s plumbing) intact.

Communicate Clearly with Hosts and Cooks

Before the event, have a candid chat with the host or whoever is doing the cooking. Let them know about your dietary restrictions and ask about what’s on the menu. You don’t have to give a full lecture on lactose intolerance (though I’ve got a killer TED Talk ready if anyone asks), but a simple, “I can’t have dairy” can go a long way. If they’re unsure about specific ingredients in a dish, it’s okay to ask for details—just do so politely. If in doubt, it’s better to skip a dish than risk regret. (And by “regret,” I mean clinging to their guest towels like a lifeline.)

Know Your Limits

It’s important to accept that not every dish will be safe for you to eat. That’s okay! You might have fewer options than others, but focus on finding the dishes that work for you. Proteins like turkey, ham, or roast beef are often a safe bet (as long as they’re not slathered in butter—though butter is, admittedly, the secret sauce of life), and roasted vegetables usually play nice. The goal isn’t to feel deprived but to enjoy the meal without consequences.

Bring Your Own Dishes

Offer to bring a couple of dishes to share. Not only does this ensure you’ll have something safe to eat, but it’s also a thoughtful contribution to the table. Plus, you might surprise someone else with a dietary restriction who’s been silently struggling. A dairy-free green bean casserole or almond milk mashed potatoes can be a hit with everyone—not just those avoiding dairy. And hey, if someone tries to tell you they can taste the difference, just smile sweetly and offer to swap their casserole for a week of your digestive issues.

Stash Emergency Snacks

It’s always a good idea to have a backup plan. Hide a granola bar or two in your bag, just in case the meal isn’t quite as dairy-free-friendly as expected or dinner is delayed. This also works if you’re visiting family members who have never understood the concept of eating on time. Being prepared can save you from hunger-induced crankiness and keep your spirits bright.

Be Realistic About Rich Holiday Foods

Let’s be honest: holiday meals are indulgent, and even dairy-free dishes can be rich. A little discomfort might come with the territory, and sometimes the stomachache later is worth enjoying a favorite dish in moderation. That said, listen to your body and know your boundaries. Remember, there’s a difference between “This is a treat” and “I need a priest.” Choose wisely.

Decline Gracefully

Refusing your great aunt’s special cheesecake can feel awkward, but consistency is key. A polite but firm, “It looks amazing, but I can’t have dairy,” will eventually sink in. Over time, your family and friends will get the memo, even if it’s a little uncomfortable in the moment. And if they’re still confused next year, well, maybe consider printing a laminated card that says, “I’m from Wisconsin, and even I can’t eat your cheesy death trap.”

Navigate Gifting with a Smile

Holiday gifts can be another challenge. From hot chocolate mixes to cheese baskets, you’re bound to receive something you can’t enjoy. Be gracious and thank the giver, then look for ways to swap or re-gift. Offer to trade hot chocolate packets for tea or suggest a gift card exchange for a restaurant with more options for you. Most people want their gifts to bring you joy, not stress. (And if someone gives you a cheese log, maybe it’s time to reconsider that friendship.)

Create New Traditions

With more stores offering dairy-free alternatives, it’s easier than ever to make holiday treats everyone can enjoy. Try serving almond milk eggnog, dairy-free cookies, or a decadent vegan dessert. Who knows? Your new dish might become a family favorite. Just make sure to brace yourself for the inevitable, “Wait, there’s no butter in this?” reactions from the crowd.

Enjoy the Moment

Take it slow. Savor the dishes you can have, enjoy the company, and embrace the spirit of the season. After all, the holidays are about connection and celebration, not just what’s on your plate. And if all else fails, remember: you can’t pour from an empty glass (especially if it’s full of dairy-free nog). Take care of yourself, and keep your holiday merry, bright, and dairy-free. Cheers!